i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
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Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
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COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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