Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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