I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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