Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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