the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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