just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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