Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
