i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Randomize
