He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
