i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize