I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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