it's too hot outside to masturbate.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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