i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
