i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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