I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
