There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Randomize
