You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
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We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
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fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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