Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize