I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
