i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
