If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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