Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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