i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
