The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize