Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
