yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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