Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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