About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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