you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
