I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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