Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
