Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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