i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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