I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
