is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
