i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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