If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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