I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
