i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
