It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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