I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
