That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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