time to smoke my breakfast
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
