I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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