woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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