Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
