How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
