I like my sex mixed with concussions.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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