The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
