Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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