i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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