My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
