i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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