i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
