now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize