Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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