just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
