This is not my ceiling
Nicole vs. Life
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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