I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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