is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
