I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
